THE INWARD BATTLE OF ROMANS SEVEN What I Am Doing Remember, this is an expression of a sensitive heart. Those with calloused hearts will have no idea what he is talking about. "What I am doing" does not refer to the thrust of life, but to unwanted intrusions into the thought life. Further, it does not refer to an outward deed, although what is described can cause outward expressions. He is not speaking of an immoral deed he committed again and again. Rather, this is describing the battle between the flesh and the Spirit (Gal 5:17). -- Tomorrow:
"For what I am doing, I do not understand." Here is a most remarkable expression! Other versions read as follows. "For that which I do I allow not." KJV "I do not understand what I do." NIV "I do not understand my own actions." NRSV "For that which I do I know not." ASV "And I have no clear knowledge of what I am doing." BBE "I don't understand myself at all." NLT
Several preliminary observations are in order. First, Paul is declaring a present circumstance, not a past one: "I AM doing . . . I DO not . . . " Second, this is a circumstance that goes beyond human understanding: "I do NOT understand." Third, he knows WHAT is happening, and later will affirm he knows WHY it is happening (v 23). Yet, that knowledge brings no satisfaction to him. How could wicked thoughts come to him unbidden and unwanted? The KJV reads "allow not," emphasizing he had made no provision for such thoughts. He did not willingly go into areas that nurtured such thoughts. He had not sought them out. Yet they came to him.
We conclude from these things that faith is superior to knowledge. It brings a higher form of understanding than is not possible in nature. If this were not the case, the experience that is now described would prove to be the total undoing of the tender hearted. With care, the Spirit moves Paul to open up a fact of spiritual life that is common to all believers.
By faith Paul is speaking of the unwanted expressions of the sinful nature. He is not confessing sin or transgression, but a grievous and undesired condition.
By saying "I do not understand," or "I allow not," Paul is saying he did not fully understand the corruption of his own human nature. It is as though he was stunned by the depth of the wickedness found in the "old man." It is one thing to know theologically that man is corrupt by nature. It is quite another to experience the outbreak of that corruption in our thoughts.
The use of the word "actions" in some translations tends to confuse the text, leading some to believe the reference is to an outward deed. This is not the case.
The thrust of Paul's life was Godward. He had turned his back on the past, renounced the things that had separated him from God, and was pressing toward the mark with unrelenting zeal (Phil 3:7-14). Outwardly, he lived "holily, justly, and unblameably" (1 Thess 2:10). But there were inconsistencies within. He was not struggling with his will. That was consistent, and he confesses that to be the case. But his will was not able to stop the eruptions of the "old man." He wanted no unacceptable thoughts in his mind, and yet they were found there anyway. The human will, therefore, is anything but decisive in this inner warfare.
In this case, the phrase "I do" refers to any thoughts Paul did not want to have. By saying "I do not understand," he means that he was unable to stop them. There were times when he was broadsided, so to speak, by defiled thoughts and lusts that exceeded what he thought was possible. He actually had to grapple with unwanted and intruding imaginations. He had to cast them down violently, even though he had made no place for them in his mind. That was the frustrating part of it all.
In using the word "frustrating," I do not mean the undoing of the believer, or his utter defeat. Rather, I am referring to discouragement, being humbled, and being baffled. Whether we desire it or not, perplexity is something with which we must grapple (2 Cor 4:8). The earnest desire to be utterly without spot NOW, is thus thwarted. The tender desire to be pleasing to the Lord in every part of our being is blasted by the entrance of things displeasing to us, to say nothing of our Lord.
PRAYER POINT: Father, I praise Your name through Jesus Christ for providing an explanation of what I am experiencing! I thank You for not condemning me for having to struggle against what I hate.